Another Exciting Day...

Currently working on a project for DIY that is a lesson in being PC, which I abhor. Had to pull out all the old voc rehab jargon and tidy up the correspondence when all I wanted to do was just say "gimme what I need so I can get on with it." I don't play well with folks that are PC, and my new boss, same as the old boss, is a real self centered geek that thinks he is the best thing since pussy. I hate people like that, but it is a part of doing business. Mayhaps the old Coon is getting too damn old for this shit? Prolly not - as long as I can hide behind my computer and work in my whitey tighties. Life can be good that way. Sometimes I don't even get out of my jammies. Today was like that.

My new alarm clock is sleeping away on my bed, on her back with her tiny feet in the air. I will throw her off the fuckin' roof if anyone says I am just like Paris Hilton, though. She is a sweetie, and full of piss and vinegar, much to the chagrin of a clumsy old man. She brings joy to me with her antics and playfulness, and that is a good thing.

My little princess is coming to visit me in a week or two, and I am really excited about that. Gee, I feel like a kid at Xmas! She wants to spend time with her Papa and help old Mom out in the store, so I am looking forward to that. She is the only one of the kids - outside of her husband - that I can tolerate. Stepkids suck, ya know? I haven't had any hand in raising them, and their real dad, who was a real dumbfuck, blew his brains out a few years back. Couldn't live with the standards he set for himself, so ate his gun. Too bad, so sad. He was a real jerk, ya know? But I understand that these kids are the product of someone else, and I just want them to leave me the fuck alone unless they can be decent, which appears to be hard for them. Now I know why tigers eat their young...

Longing for cool breezes and an open window. My office is starting to smell like a redneck bar, what with cigarette smoke and puppy breath. Guess I really should take LB's welcome invitation and hie my old ass off to southern Cal for a few days, get some sun, soak up some good booze, and visit the local dives with her hubby. They are a grand couple...

I got the distinct hankering for a glass of absinthe tonight. Had a friend in LA that used to get me loaded on that lovely green fairy on way too many occasions. He was a fag, but a nice guy, and he got lonely, ya know? His girlfriend, or boyfriend, or whatever the hell he was, was a prissy little guy with curly dark hair that ironed his underwear. Rolly and I would sit around the pool with the green fairy and watch him flit about, and it was better than any movie show I ever saw, at least in that era. Jersey Jesus, I am getting sentimental here! Time to tighten up.

Looking forward to spring. I am going to plant an herb garden on the roof, and my daughter is giving me a plot of ground to plant a real garden on this year. Makes me feel like Brando in the Godfather, when he lost his shit in the tomato patch.

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'.

Charlie~

Remember The Glasses?

I had to laugh today at my wife who mentioned the cardboard glasses with cellophane we used to get to watch a 3D movie. Rosie is kinda behind the times with some things, especially anything technological. We were discussing my blooming and growing interest in 3D modeling, and that is what got her started.

I've posted a couple of half-assed decent 3D's on Daz3D.c in their Art Zone gallery, and it amazes me at the feedback I get. I have found that one these forums, there are either people that are very passionate about the art, and people who know jack. I kinda felt I fell somewhere in between. And I am probably being kind to myself.

It is an exacting art, requiring a knowledge of math, which I have none, and a good eye for lighting and positioning. I work in Poser 7, Bryce 6 for terrains, and with Lightwave 8 to build stuff. I know quite a bit about Poser and Bryce now, but haven't tackled Lightwave yet. Gotta learn to crawl before I can walk, ya know?

What amazes me here is that on AZ I have a blog of sorts, and have been posting a few little interesting tid bits of info that are helpful when working w/ Poser and Bryce. And I am finding that some of the so-called professionals are saying "gee, I didn't know that!" WTF? And they are getting paid for their shit? I find this absolutely unbelievable in ways. I know only the basics, and have forgotten half of what I learned. But, being a writer full time, I took courses at VTC to learn the apps. I couldn't waste the time with the learning curve. And I am finding I know a bit more than a lot of these so-called professionals. That is the state of the world we live in today. Doesn't that carry a lot of suckage with it, or is it me?

Peace,

Charlie~

:D

Of A Sunday...

Here it is Sunday evening, and my loft is still for a change. My son & DIL just left from a brief visit, and I find myself a bit refreshed from the experience. I find little joy in my home, and when Nick & Sara come, the whole thing changes for me, in a good, positive way.

They weather is a bit strange, with temps right now at 41 degrees at 10 PM. I have a pretty good snow and ice buildup on the roof, and we had a bit of a leak today. It happened last year in the store, but it lasted for just a day until the snow got melted sufficiently to make the problem go away. All I need this year is to have to have a new roof put on.

I have always hated little dogs - some worse and others. All they seem to be good for is for old ladies and neurotic girls to spoil - thinking Brit & Paris here - and they seem to do nothing more than eat, sleep, and poop in the corner. People tend to make such fools of the little critters, and that I cannot abide.

So why the rant? Sweet Sara brought me a miniature dachshund puppy this weekend. It is adorable, and no bigger than a minute. We went to Soldan's and I let her shop for things for the puppy, and ended up with 154 bucks worth of things for a dog that doesn't hardly weigh a pound. I must be getting a bit senile, because I have always hated little dogs, and now own one. Pictures at 11...

I find myself getting very lonely. Sara is coming up to spend time with me on her spring break, and she wants to help Rosie in the store a bit. I am really looking forward to having my little princess all to myself for a few days. She brings a lot of joy to an old man.

I feel like shit today. I got into the Captain's last nite at Rich's new house - kind of a welcome wagon sorta thing, I guess. I drank way more than I should have, and have been paying all day. I have been fighting with glucose issues, and that certainly didn't help that little issue at all. But hey! I still got all my toes!

There is a hint of spring, although a false one. I can hardly wait to open my office window and let some nice fresh air in. Seeing as I am such a heavy smoker, you can about imagine what the apartment smells like. We both smoke, have decided to quit a thousand times, yet I still drop a goodly sum each month for cigarettes. We never learn.

I will medicate, self medicate, and hie my old ass off to bed. Sounds like a plan...

Drive on,

Charlie~

Winter Truly Sucks

I am sick of winter, the cold, the snow, and the gray skies. I know, why do I continue to live in such a cold climate? I haven't a clue, really. My work is such that I can work from anywhere in the world, and my family is all over the place. My Rosie has no real ties to anyone here, with the exception of 2 of our boys and their families. A recent birth of a granddaughter would keep Rosie here.

But for myself, I find that each year, it gets to be much worse than the last. I am not so steady on my feet any longer, with a head full of meds and a myriad of other issues, and I get pretty anxious when I go out, scared of a fall on the ice and a broken hip. The data I read a year or two ago about the survival rate of an old coot from a broken hip gnaws at my fucking brain, and it is all I think about when I go outside. So I tend to become even more reclusive than ever. I have weeks where I don't go outside at all - never leave the apartment, let alone get dressed. I enjoy the fact that I can work in my 'jammies, but shit! what quality of life do I have? Nada...

I always get very depressed during the winter months, and it helps little that Rosie rants about the lack of business, and I am unsure as to where my direction is going myself. Things at IB are not looking good. The idiot that is handling content right now might as well be on another planet. I submit my articles like a good little boy, and he will reply with a "thanks" that I am sure is insincere, and then I do not hear from him - EVER!! What a dork. So I have that hanging over my head, and it doesn't make for a happy situation in the Coon household....

I've been helping Sara with some homework, and it is a struggle being nice to her. I hate to offend her, but this girl is clueless. I am making some headway with her, but my god! I am old!! There isn't enough days left in my life to make even a good writer out of her. It is sad - she has a lyrical, lilting voice with a bit of a Southern drawl, and her voice is pure music to hear. When she puts it on paper, though, it truly sucks. I have told her over and over to write like she talks, and I admit she is a bit better, but shit! The old saw about making a silk purse out of a sows ear comes to mind, ya know? I am having a bit of a problem expecting perfection out of her as I do of myself, and that is intolerant of me.

I suppose I shall survive the winter. I tend to drink more when it is cold and so damn dark and gloomy, and I am struggling with the stupid water a bit more than I like. But I find that my sleep cycle is fucked, I am cold all the time, and winter just sucks...

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'

Charlie~

End Of Days...

I have often thought that there are a hell of a lot more years behind me than what are ahead of me. Winter always brings that home. I abhor winter, and if not for the store here, would prefer to live in a much warmer clime. Arkansas, maybe. And then I turn on the evening news and see how many have died during the worst tornado in 75 years there yesterday. WTF?

If I have learned nothing else, it is "be careful what you wish for." I have never had high material needs. I don't agonize over a new Beemer, luxury home with two swimming pools, or designer clothes in a huge walk in closet. Sec. Butz put it quite eloquently at one point in time - "all I need is tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit." He must have had me - not the colored folks - in mind when he wrote that. 'Course it got him fired - no PC here!

Regardless, I want and need little. My high expectations right now is for some new underwear that the elastic isn't all stretched out in. Maybe some new socks - I am obsessed by socks since the Nam.

So, I reach end of days. I know that, and am ready, but filled with a great sense of urgency because there is too much left undone. I take on new projects and try to learn new things to keep the old brain active. I don't read like I used to because of glaucoma and cataracts, but do a lot of things in 3D and video. It is a reasonable accommodation for an old guy, wouldn't you think? My work goes well, but slow due to the winter doldrums, and life in general isn't half assed bad.

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'

Charlie~

Thoughts Of The Day

Here it is the first of February already, and I have gotten some things done, some not. I am always hard on myself, setting strict guidelines for what I need to do and agonizing over the things I don't get done. Lately it has been more of the latter. With the shakeup at IB, I find I have lost a great deal of interest in my writing, and I blame that on a serious case f depression. I am hitting the sauce more than I should, and just have a general "fuck it" attitude, which I find myself getting into time and again.

It all comes down to order in my life. I am the guy that put the fun back in dysfunctional, I think. The difference between me and so many like me is that I accept that, know it is true, and do something about it. So many of my friends and loved ones are in denial, it seems. They are as fucked up as I am, but fail to recognize it, or do something about it. and that causes a shitload of trouble in relationships. I know that without my daily dose of "happy pills" that I would be a complete shit, unbearable to live with and even a problem to myself. So I take them regularly, along with other potions and pills, and get by. Not the best of lives by any means, but it gets me by, and in the final analysis, that is what is important.

My DIL suffers from the same issues I do, and at 26 years of age, tries to blow it off. She can be a regular little bitch when she is not medicating, but the most perfect angel when she is. I gave her a real talking to when I last visited in July 07, and she is doing well now. I told her that if she wanted to lose her friends, break up her marriage, and be on her own in a few years, to ignore the fact that she is borderline like I am. Go ahead, Sara, stick your head in your ass and show us how foolish it is to deny that anything is wrong!

Even my Rosie has her issues. She is under a great deal of stress with Bella Grande, and as a perfectionist, she suffers. Doc put her on Effexor, and she did okay. Then it came around where she "couldn't afford it." I knew way before this that she wasn't taking her meds, and she was almost unbearable.

What do we do? Do we just go through life being a complete asshat, or do we try to do something about it? Do we do as I did for so many years - and still do somewhat - and self medicate to ease the problems? Fuck that. A simple though most of the times expensive fix can always get you on the right road. Being a child of the 60's, I know that there is better living through chemistry. And that is all there is...

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'...

Charlie~