Ah, Spring!

It is that time of year that is both tantalizing and teasing. One day sun, the next snow, as if Mother can't make up her mind what she wants to do. (Just like a woman, for all you fems out there!) I have the window open right now at 11 PM, and though it is cool I am enjoying the freshness of the slight breeze. Beats hell out of stale cigarette smoke, ya know?

Got news from my ex about another bro biting the dust. I swear to Christ, I will outlive everybody. Steve was a great guy, and we did a lot of partying together when I was going to high school. Steve and family lived up the road from us, and his brothers and I have been fast friends for years. I was ashamed when I found out after he had been planted. i would have gone to his funeral, fer shure.

My back is kicking my ass again, and a lot of it has to do with my slowly failing eyesight. I just bout a new 22" monitor so that I could see things better, but still find myself leaning in on a lot of things. of course, Uncle doesn't feel I need eye surgery yet. Guess I have to go completely blind before the fucker does anything about my shit. I have lost almost all vision in my left eye due to cataracts, and when I close my right eye, it is like looking through an eyeful of Vaseline. Not a pretty sight. Have to expect it, I suppose - my mom and brother have the same shit, and up to the day mom died, she prolly had better vision than most people her age. Glaucoma is insidious, and it can be a real pain in the ass. Tonight we went to Big Boy for huge 1/2 pound burgers, and when I got out of the pickup, I turned to close the door and banged my head on the window. Think I embarrassed a few of the folks standing around with my vocal reaction. Oh, well...

It is getting time to make my annual trip to Anderson. Once the wx gets better, I shall hie my scrawny old ass down there and spend a week or two with my little princess. I truly miss this lovely young lady, and am blessed to have her in my life. Everyone should be so lucky...

Drive on,

Charlie~

:D

Livin' In a 3D World

I have taken an interest in 3D, and find very quickly that the mechanics are tough, and end results are sometimes - sometimes - worth while. I have been taking classes on VTC.com, studying Bryce, Poser, and Lightwave, and find it has enough challenge to suit me. If it has no challenge, then fuck it, ain't worth my time. It is that way with everything in my life, and I wish it so.

Now, I find that many people that work in 3D are a bunch of fuckin' perverts. You oughtha see some of the work out there by hobbyists. You see a beautiful, scantily clad woman with the face of a 5 year old, and a body like Carol Doda (gotcha!), right down to the Brazilian wax job. Pierced pussy, anyone?

It sucks, ya know. You gotta be a real voyeur to look at some of this stuff. A lot of it is amazingly good, and a lot of it just shows T&A. Which does little for a 64 year old that takes too much blood pressure medicine. Know what I mean? But I find meaningful work in Bryce doing scenery, and am getting there, methinks. Nothing award winning yet, but I have come far since the first of the year. Hey! Even know what a Z axis is now!

So it goes. I think that working in 3D helps feed a lot of these losers' fantasies of the woman they would like and can't have. Working with morphs and magnets in 3D is interesting work, but ya only end up with a chick with big tits and the longest legs a woman could ever have. So, I will concentrate on inorganic things, thank you very much...

Little Bit is growing - you can see it in her every day. She is so much fun, and I laugh at her all the time with her antics. She hasn't a name yet, but she is getting close to earning one. Finally broke down and bought some batteries for the digital, so I can display a few images of her online on one blog or another. Puppy pix are soooo cute.

Sara continues to struggle. Hope she is not taking writing next semester. I hate to say it, but some things this girl is clueless about. Her hubby Nick says she spends too much time sitting around being pretty. I rather agree. She is a sight to see, but with beauty must come intelligence, so all is naught. Too bad, so sad. She has other very redeeming values, so not to worry.

Duty calls. Need to write. I'm a bit behind with the new addition in the house. She is beginning to settle in, though, and is picking up my routines. Good - or bad?

Drive on,

Charlie~

:D

Of A Sunday...

Here it is Sunday evening, and my loft is still for a change. My son & DIL just left from a brief visit, and I find myself a bit refreshed from the experience. I find little joy in my home, and when Nick & Sara come, the whole thing changes for me, in a good, positive way.

They weather is a bit strange, with temps right now at 41 degrees at 10 PM. I have a pretty good snow and ice buildup on the roof, and we had a bit of a leak today. It happened last year in the store, but it lasted for just a day until the snow got melted sufficiently to make the problem go away. All I need this year is to have to have a new roof put on.

I have always hated little dogs - some worse and others. All they seem to be good for is for old ladies and neurotic girls to spoil - thinking Brit & Paris here - and they seem to do nothing more than eat, sleep, and poop in the corner. People tend to make such fools of the little critters, and that I cannot abide.

So why the rant? Sweet Sara brought me a miniature dachshund puppy this weekend. It is adorable, and no bigger than a minute. We went to Soldan's and I let her shop for things for the puppy, and ended up with 154 bucks worth of things for a dog that doesn't hardly weigh a pound. I must be getting a bit senile, because I have always hated little dogs, and now own one. Pictures at 11...

I find myself getting very lonely. Sara is coming up to spend time with me on her spring break, and she wants to help Rosie in the store a bit. I am really looking forward to having my little princess all to myself for a few days. She brings a lot of joy to an old man.

I feel like shit today. I got into the Captain's last nite at Rich's new house - kind of a welcome wagon sorta thing, I guess. I drank way more than I should have, and have been paying all day. I have been fighting with glucose issues, and that certainly didn't help that little issue at all. But hey! I still got all my toes!

There is a hint of spring, although a false one. I can hardly wait to open my office window and let some nice fresh air in. Seeing as I am such a heavy smoker, you can about imagine what the apartment smells like. We both smoke, have decided to quit a thousand times, yet I still drop a goodly sum each month for cigarettes. We never learn.

I will medicate, self medicate, and hie my old ass off to bed. Sounds like a plan...

Drive on,

Charlie~

Winter Truly Sucks

I am sick of winter, the cold, the snow, and the gray skies. I know, why do I continue to live in such a cold climate? I haven't a clue, really. My work is such that I can work from anywhere in the world, and my family is all over the place. My Rosie has no real ties to anyone here, with the exception of 2 of our boys and their families. A recent birth of a granddaughter would keep Rosie here.

But for myself, I find that each year, it gets to be much worse than the last. I am not so steady on my feet any longer, with a head full of meds and a myriad of other issues, and I get pretty anxious when I go out, scared of a fall on the ice and a broken hip. The data I read a year or two ago about the survival rate of an old coot from a broken hip gnaws at my fucking brain, and it is all I think about when I go outside. So I tend to become even more reclusive than ever. I have weeks where I don't go outside at all - never leave the apartment, let alone get dressed. I enjoy the fact that I can work in my 'jammies, but shit! what quality of life do I have? Nada...

I always get very depressed during the winter months, and it helps little that Rosie rants about the lack of business, and I am unsure as to where my direction is going myself. Things at IB are not looking good. The idiot that is handling content right now might as well be on another planet. I submit my articles like a good little boy, and he will reply with a "thanks" that I am sure is insincere, and then I do not hear from him - EVER!! What a dork. So I have that hanging over my head, and it doesn't make for a happy situation in the Coon household....

I've been helping Sara with some homework, and it is a struggle being nice to her. I hate to offend her, but this girl is clueless. I am making some headway with her, but my god! I am old!! There isn't enough days left in my life to make even a good writer out of her. It is sad - she has a lyrical, lilting voice with a bit of a Southern drawl, and her voice is pure music to hear. When she puts it on paper, though, it truly sucks. I have told her over and over to write like she talks, and I admit she is a bit better, but shit! The old saw about making a silk purse out of a sows ear comes to mind, ya know? I am having a bit of a problem expecting perfection out of her as I do of myself, and that is intolerant of me.

I suppose I shall survive the winter. I tend to drink more when it is cold and so damn dark and gloomy, and I am struggling with the stupid water a bit more than I like. But I find that my sleep cycle is fucked, I am cold all the time, and winter just sucks...

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'

Charlie~

Will Ya Stilll Need Me, Will Ya Still Feed Me, When I'm 64?

Today I turned 64. It is not an exciting day, with gifts and friends calling to buy me a beer. I sit, as I do every day, in front of the computer, hacking away on my current freelance assignment. I thought to chronicle a bit, and as I am not having a really good day, will set down a few things as seen from the POV of an old Coon.

I am relatively happy. I sat last night on the roof with a glass of whiskey and enjoyed the moon racing through high white clouds. It was very warm - in the 70's - and I was happy to still be alive. My own little brand of mental illness keeps me a stranger to many of friends and relatives, but I am secure in my reclusiveness. I am not unhappy because of this condition but hey! I medicate...

My daughter turns 35 this year. She and I are not close, and it bothers me. she has been distant to me since her mother and I divorced. I haven't seen my granddaughters grow up like I wish, and this will not go well with me when I lay a'dying. Being a son of the Buddha, I am reminded of how He expounds on forming attachments, and it comforts me.

I am making good money writing, which has been my lifelong dream. the checks come in like clockwork every two weeks, and it keeps me in beer money. The home I have chosen to live in is easily paid for, and although there is not a new Tesla roadster in the garage, there is a halfassed decent Dodge Dakota 4X4 that meets my needs. Good stereo and all. We eat regularly, I have the option of working for myself, and work when I want to. It doesn't get any better than that.

My work is such that I can take it on the road. Tonight my son comes from Indiana, and I will go back to Anderson after he plays around at salmon camp. His lovely wife Sara is the apple of an old man's eye, beautiful and fair, and treating an old Coon with dignity and respect. We bonded on first meet, and have been close every since. She is a delight to behold...

I have a good wife, strong willed and temperamental, but a great woman all the same. She takes care of my needs, gives me much space that I so desperately need, and puts up with my quirks and idiosyncrasies. She knows what it is like to live with an old vet with PTSD, and makes allowances, as do all that love me. We have a good but uncomplicated life. We are hard workers, generally working 7 days a week, and spending frugally in the process. I don't wanna eat dog food when I am too old to hammer this keyboard.

Life has dealt me some really shitty blows. But it has blessed me in the process. I have no regrets, and wouldn't do a thing differently than I have. And in the final analysis, when I finally reach end of days, I can slide up to my grave, tip a cold one, and say, "Man, what a fucking ride". Who needs more?

Peace,

Charlie~

:D