Winter Truly Sucks

I am sick of winter, the cold, the snow, and the gray skies. I know, why do I continue to live in such a cold climate? I haven't a clue, really. My work is such that I can work from anywhere in the world, and my family is all over the place. My Rosie has no real ties to anyone here, with the exception of 2 of our boys and their families. A recent birth of a granddaughter would keep Rosie here.

But for myself, I find that each year, it gets to be much worse than the last. I am not so steady on my feet any longer, with a head full of meds and a myriad of other issues, and I get pretty anxious when I go out, scared of a fall on the ice and a broken hip. The data I read a year or two ago about the survival rate of an old coot from a broken hip gnaws at my fucking brain, and it is all I think about when I go outside. So I tend to become even more reclusive than ever. I have weeks where I don't go outside at all - never leave the apartment, let alone get dressed. I enjoy the fact that I can work in my 'jammies, but shit! what quality of life do I have? Nada...

I always get very depressed during the winter months, and it helps little that Rosie rants about the lack of business, and I am unsure as to where my direction is going myself. Things at IB are not looking good. The idiot that is handling content right now might as well be on another planet. I submit my articles like a good little boy, and he will reply with a "thanks" that I am sure is insincere, and then I do not hear from him - EVER!! What a dork. So I have that hanging over my head, and it doesn't make for a happy situation in the Coon household....

I've been helping Sara with some homework, and it is a struggle being nice to her. I hate to offend her, but this girl is clueless. I am making some headway with her, but my god! I am old!! There isn't enough days left in my life to make even a good writer out of her. It is sad - she has a lyrical, lilting voice with a bit of a Southern drawl, and her voice is pure music to hear. When she puts it on paper, though, it truly sucks. I have told her over and over to write like she talks, and I admit she is a bit better, but shit! The old saw about making a silk purse out of a sows ear comes to mind, ya know? I am having a bit of a problem expecting perfection out of her as I do of myself, and that is intolerant of me.

I suppose I shall survive the winter. I tend to drink more when it is cold and so damn dark and gloomy, and I am struggling with the stupid water a bit more than I like. But I find that my sleep cycle is fucked, I am cold all the time, and winter just sucks...

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'

Charlie~

End Of Days...

I have often thought that there are a hell of a lot more years behind me than what are ahead of me. Winter always brings that home. I abhor winter, and if not for the store here, would prefer to live in a much warmer clime. Arkansas, maybe. And then I turn on the evening news and see how many have died during the worst tornado in 75 years there yesterday. WTF?

If I have learned nothing else, it is "be careful what you wish for." I have never had high material needs. I don't agonize over a new Beemer, luxury home with two swimming pools, or designer clothes in a huge walk in closet. Sec. Butz put it quite eloquently at one point in time - "all I need is tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit." He must have had me - not the colored folks - in mind when he wrote that. 'Course it got him fired - no PC here!

Regardless, I want and need little. My high expectations right now is for some new underwear that the elastic isn't all stretched out in. Maybe some new socks - I am obsessed by socks since the Nam.

So, I reach end of days. I know that, and am ready, but filled with a great sense of urgency because there is too much left undone. I take on new projects and try to learn new things to keep the old brain active. I don't read like I used to because of glaucoma and cataracts, but do a lot of things in 3D and video. It is a reasonable accommodation for an old guy, wouldn't you think? My work goes well, but slow due to the winter doldrums, and life in general isn't half assed bad.

Fuck it, don't mean nothin'

Charlie~